What if Tacos had Babies?
by mollipwarriorchic
Summary: One day a startling thought comes to Beast Boy's mind: what if we were all tacos? He shares this idea with his friends, who take it with absolute eloquence and class. JK, they crack up. Will Beast Boy ever prove his point? Will Raven start reading another book? Will I finally learn how to properly write a crack fic? Rated T for Dr. Seuss and mentions of primates wearing thongs.


Chapter 1: What if Tacos Had Babies?

Once upon a time there was a 'T'. In the 'T' lived a boy…many boys actually, but we're talking about a specific one who was different from the others. He was green. Not to be intolerant, of course. We don't do that in this story. He was green in every aspect of his life, his being, and his soul; he was green as in eco-friendly, green as in good with nature, and green in…well, his skin. He had glowing emerald skin and slightly darker hair. And when he woke up, frankly, he looked like a piece of broccoli. Not that I'd know of course…ignore the bulletin board full of pictures of him behind me and pay attention to the story! He had a tooth that stuck out of his mouth and the cutest smile ever. His name was Beast Boy. Beast Boy was a vegan- not a vegetarian like everyone always says. If he was a vegetarian than he'd be eating chicken and meat and eggs and he's been all of those… why would he eat himself? He was horrified whenever he saw his friends eating meat. His mind always hatched the idea that perhaps a slab of green steak would be on their plates soon. You could never _truly _trust a person when you could turn into a hamburger. Oh, and you know that book _Green Eggs & Ham_ by Dr. Seuss? Yeah, he hated that book with every ounce inside of him. His childhood was utterly and completely ruined by that rhyming book with the tall fuzzy yellow guy trying proclaiming his absolute loathing of 'Sam-I-Am' and strangely dyed unborn chicken children and meat from the tokus of a swine, which yellow fuzzy dude also hates. So yeah; yellow fuzzy dude pretty much hates the world. But how can a yellow fuzzy date hate the world? I mean you're _yellow_ and _fuzzy_ for God's sakes!

"What would it be like if tacos had babies?" It had been a normal day in Titans Tower; Raven was floating in the middle of the Ops. Room, twenty-five chapters deep in _I'm In Love with a Dragon Who Happens to Be a Human So It's not Illegal_, Robin and Starfire were sitting contently like the BFFs they were, and Cyborg was playing GTA 5-which he had to pay an arm and a leg to get (I never exaggerate). It had been a normal day…until the green Changeling said that. They had burst out laughing.

It wasn't a funny statement, mind you. It was just the way he said. Could you imagine the most serious kid in the class raising his hand and asking the teacher that in the most somber, serious voice? You'd laugh too, stop lying to yourself.

"Well, BB, they'd have to be alive!" Cyborg had paused his game. It was that funny. He was currently grabbing his sides, trying to stabilize his breathing. His systems were going haywire. Meanwhile Beast Boy was feeling extremely humiliated, blushing. He turned reen or gred…whichever one you prefer.

"Tacos are alive!" This only made his teammates laugh harder, sans Raven, who had a content little smirk on her face, still immersed in her book. Starfire was laughing a bell-like laugh. Robin was laughing his bubbly laughter that only the funniest/stupidest thing could produce. Cyborg was laughing a laugh that was very familiar to the team: the 'BB-you-are-the-weirdest-funniest-stupidest-little -green-fella-ever'.

"Wouldn't…they…have…to…breathe?" Robin managed between laughs. He took deep gaping gasps as he began to watch Starfire like a huge creep. She was lolling around, floating as she laughed, her whole being lighting up. Her dimples were adorable. Her curvaceous smile was adorable. Her eyes were closed in delight. Her whole body laughed with her, quaking in her wake. She was the most gorgeous thing he'd ever seen-and trust me, being Batman's sidekick, he's seen his share of scantily clad, boobs out, buttocks large, seductive women. Actually, he'd seen more than should be considered healthy for a person of his age. Cyborg shot him a teasing glance as he flushed red, looking away from Starfire.

"D-u-udes! I'm, like, seriously trying to tell you something! Haven't you ever seen those 'raw footage' videos from fast food chains? Literally raw!" He was beginning to get agitated, exasperated, and frankly, he was done with this shit.

"Nope; I really don't want to know what part of the cow that Jack in A Box stuff comes from. It tastes like _udder_ crap!" Cyborg punned, looking around for laughter.

"I'm serious! If tacos had babies, wouldn't_ we_ come from tacos too?" The laughter died on its own as the three Titans sat back up on the leather sectional, composing themselves and trying to think of answers for his question.

"No, we wouldn't. Not unless we're tacos." Robin drawled, staring out the window. There was the sun. Pretty sun. The sky was blue as the Facebook logo. The water was clear as MySpace. Thanks Internet!

"BB, you're pretty much challenging the whole creation-evolution debate right here and now. We could all be tacos." Cyborg's eye went wide as he sat back into the leather sectional.

"Well, technically, Raven would be half taco, correct?" Starfire's soft voice chimed in, her big green eyes looking around as she floated.

"Yeah Star…I guess she'd be demon taco?" Robin joked. Raven looked up from her book, a pissed expression on her face as she regarded her 'friends' who were comparing her to a taco.

"What…what are you talking about?" Her eyes shifted across the room, alighting on each of her teammates.

"Oh, just your genetics and how they compare to tacos. Nothing new." Beast Boy smiled at her. He noticed her neck flush as she stared back into her book.

"But Beast Boy, even if we did come from tacos, how would you prove it?" Robin was enjoying this.

"Hmm…well, Cyborg always smells like meat…you look like lettuce, and Starfire looks like a taco shell." He was pleased with his analogies as he looked at his teammates.

"Why do you compare me to this?"

"Because you're thin, Star. Of course!" Beast Boy flicked his hand in her direction.

"Oh...I suppose I shall thank you." Starfire smiled and enveloped the green teenager in a hug, the boy in her arms squeaking and turning reen.

"Welcome Star…" He pried himself from her arms.

"So we're all tacos." Cyborg's face went blank. There was silence in the Tower as that sunk in.

"Sure. Want to go play Portal Ships II?" Beast Boy asked.

"You know it, Grass Stain! I'll wipe you into the ground!"

"I'd love to see you try, Metal Head!"

"Oh I will, Kermit!"

"KERMIT?! OH IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG…IN A THONG…HOLDING SALAD TONGS!"

* * *

_Wonder how I came up with this idea? Well, I was revising my paper for a report on a murder mystery book that I read for school. Then I thought, 'what if tacos hqad babies?'. And then this was born. Review and Favorite. Grammar Nazis and Flamers welcome.  
_


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